Power Porridge

With the Aston Martin parked in the driveway this Monday, some folks wondered whether 007 had arrived to offer Dana. It was better than that: more old friends who know The World is Not Enough, hungry like us to Live and Let Die.

Sadly, that’s also what happened to the horse mushroom I found and picked this week. A real hidden beauty: Fresh, white, harmless and wide, left to languish in the fridge, bereft of a daring cook. This morning I had to toss it over the back wall.

Not so, the left-over porridge. Anagarika David, as well as being a dab hand with a pen, also has imaginative green fingers that are currently fiddling it into a strange organic concoction. This is to be pasted on some stone walls down at the retreat house, where legend has it that the mosses will be magically drawn – a strange and esoteric practice.

…Somewhat like the recent kitchen clean-up, which does at least have potential for becoming more mainstream. Just now though, I’m content that we’ve cleared and sparkled the decks ready for the three cooks of the summer retreat (not without daring, these ones), who arrive for its beginning a week on Saturday.

Before then the following items would be gratefully received:

• fruit
• eggs
• honey

And down at the stores:

• wood for wood-burning stoves
• kitchen sponges

Thanks too but we have plenty of olive oil, toothbrushes and towels, instant coffee, tea bags, pasta, lentils, spices and juice

News in Brief

‘Minister for Food’s absence leaves kitchen power vacuum’
Mr Holt’s Dutch visit exposed underlying tension in kitchen government this week, as various members competed for culinary dominance. Sauces close to the dispute were unwilling to disclose further information, but assure constituents that a resolution is likely to be reached before the opening of Vassa on the 29th.

‘New cabinet appointments in Harnham re-shuffle’
In a recent ceremony at Chithurst Buddhist monastery, Samanera Nyanamoli gained full Bhikkhu status, beginning a five year training contract with HBM. The timing, which coincides with the temporary departure of Tan Hiriko, is not thought to indicate a shift in policy.
In the department of Thai affairs, the short-term loss of Ajahn Sawaeng is being felt as a heavy blow. Ajahn Go, in a sideways move from Santacittarama, is considered a safe replacement for the ‘summer’. Whilst David Greybe, recently appointed anagarika and former correspondent for South Africa’s Business Day, is the latest coup for the Press Office.

‘Sri Lankan dignitaries pay state visit’
Last weekends’ joint visit of Bhantes’ Seelagawesi and Dhammiko, was hailed as an outstanding example of international co-operation. With most of the resident community in attendance at Chithurst, observers nevertheless reported the accommodation and sustenance of more than 30 individuals, with frequent outbreaks of good-will.

‘Anti-smoking legislation fans the flames’
In the absence of community leaders, protesters gathered in the Dhamma hall vestibule last Sunday to object to the defacing of religious sites by anti-smoking extremists. New legislation, which came into force on July 1^st now requires all places of worship to display no-smoking signs.

‘Coffee imports reach all-time high’
Recent Italian imports mean the expanding Harnham market is now flooded. Elsewhere, the larder100index has shown steady growth, with only the following products demonstrating a marginal down-turn:

• lemons and limes
• green vegetables
• honey

Together with the following utilities:

• bottle brush
• wood for wood-burning stoves

National reserves include: toothbrushes and towels, instant coffee and tea, cakes and biscuits, juice and spices, lentils and pasta

Artichoke Conversion

Somebody out there clearly understands the headache of weight conversions (or is it volume?), that comes with our array of international recipe books: Last Sunday they kindly gifted us a metric chart which includes the following entries helpful to our situation:

10 mentals = 1 centimental

10 rations = 1 decoration

2 wharves = 1 paradox

2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds

There are 21 further entries, which you shall be spared. But I will mention, that on the same day there arrived a single artichoke, followed the next day by an email with the following negative conversions:

1 artichoke ≠ a summer

1 artichoke ≠ the feeding of a monastery

1 aritchoke ≠ easy handling in the bowl

Therefore the artichoke now sits in the wee decorative niche outside the Dhamma Hall, where it has served, this week, as a talisman in the apocalyptic weather - guarding us from the thunderbolt that nearly hit the hill, and the flood waters that swept the lane.

…Looking at the forecast, things aren’t likely to improve over the next week. Therefore, it is with much regret that myself and Ajahn Abhinando leave in the next few days for Holland and Switzerland respectively, whilst Ajahn Munindo returns to take over the brolley, so to speak.

What does that mean practically?- Amongst other things, the short term loss of our able work monk; that next week instead of a blogger with no censor, we have a censor with no blogger; and that Jay takes charge of the kitchen, which, with the help of Maureen, Lisa and Chan, now has a renewed compost system and more bins than ever: They would gratefully receive the following kinds of peelings:

• potato
• onion
• vegetable
  

not for the bin, but also helpful would be:

• long-life whole/semi-skimmed milk
• dried milk powder
• cheese
• soya milk
• tamari/shoyu soya sauce
• de-caff coffee

whilst down at the stores the following would be useful:

• wood for wood-burning stoves
• bottle brush
• Large Letter stamps (2nd class)
• kettle
• mansize tissues

thanks also, but we've plenty of olive oil, kitchen utensils, toothbrushes, instant coffee, tea bags, towels, honey, pasta, lentils, spices, cakes and biscuits, juice

Fire and Water

…With the continuation of last Monday’s deluge, it’s been a good week for Lovers of the Great Indoors. Here at the monastery, cooking in the kitchen has been the plum job for the morning work period, whilst outside the less fortunate have been shovelling sand, cutting back the greenery and glazing the greenhouse to afford themselves some shelter. For a time, there was concern for the fish; too wet for the cat to be prowling, but would the golden beauties be floating free of the pond at feeding time? Each morning Ajahn Abhinando had to relinquish his bonfire plans, and for Saturday’s guided ‘Bolam Lake and Ratanagiri Walk’ he had more need of aqualung than megaphone.

All that changed yesterday with a windy dispersal of clouds that showed no sign of re-appearing this morning. Instead, it was a peaceful and sunny dawn, on the longest day of the year. Perfect for a bonfire. Less perfect for working in the kitchen - where the only news of note is yesterdays’ arrival of olive oil from Italy. At first I thought “ah-ha, a peace offering for Milan’s defeat of Liverpool.” Until I noticed that the box was marked with the chemical warning symbol “Corrosive”…… G&G, we look forward to seeing how it cooks. Anumodana!

Actually, there is one other piece of news. That Italian delivery reminds me that yesterday was Jay’s birthday, for which he baked his own biscotti (unparalleled in all of Europe) and extinguished too many candles in one breath. Too many, because it doesn’t leave us much for lighting the stove with - all our cooker ignition thingies being kaput, and therefore one item amongst many that would be gratefully received:

• green vegetables
• garlic
• cheese
• long-life whole/semi-skimmed milk
• milk powder
• mustard/mustard powder
• butter
  

and amongst the non-edibles:

• 'lighter gun'
• holster (just kidding)
• bottle brush
• wood for wood-burning stoves
• 40W/60W screw-in energy saving bulbs
• kettle(s)
• mansize tissues
• jay cloths

thanks too but we've now plenty of olive oil, kitchen utensils, toothbrushes, instant coffee and tea bags, towels, honey, pasta, lentils, spices, cakes and biscuits and juice.

Boule or Bouffant?

Now then, where were we? Ah yes, the silent week. With its close, Ajahn Munindo and Tan Hiriko both took off to different destinations, whilst in the community (with a touch of ironic humour) we opened the following week with a quiet day. Quiet, that is, with the exception of the morning noises now routinely coming from the front of the house, which suggest that cat food bills on the hill are currently down; the rabbit population under control; and the birds outside the Ajahn’s kuti getting a little respite. If I might say so, I think he would be glad about that. But perhaps not so happy to hear of the sweet-black-daft-one’s now frequent appearance behind the kitchen. Like everyone else, I think she’s got a whiff of the Camembert round coming from the outside fridge.

Talking of rounds, Jay is certainly lending a touch of refinement inside the kitchen with his freshly baked French boules – which to me, whilst having that “chewy crust, open crumb and moderately moist interior,” still look more like his bouffant than boules. I wonder if they will fail to rise when he shaves his head? Or burn on top? Something that’s a monastic occupational hazard in the kind of Australian sunshine we had earlier this week. But of which there’s been no danger since the deluge began on Monday night: Perfect weather though for our greenhouse-without-glass, which now stands half constructed behind the meditation hall. And for those fish whose vista we’ve been trying to improve with Hermann’s new pond pump. Hopefully it won’t back fire with that cat around. Which reminds me of a slightly surreal kitchen conversation that took place recently: “Did we like sole?” someone was asked, to which another replied that here soul was not only a fishy problem, but a thorny one as well. Best left off the dana list I reckon. Which this week includes the following items that would be gratefully received:

• long-life milk
• skimmed milk powder
• eggs
• cheese
  

and in the stores:

• small bread baskets
• wood for wood-burning stoves
• Large Letter stamps (1st or 2nd class)
• White spirit (any kind)
• 40W/60W screw-in energy saving bulbs
• mansize tissues
• jay cloths (for him to clean, not wear)
• nailbrushes
• kettle(s)
• kitchen sponges
• cooker lighter thingies
  

thanks also but we've plenty of honey, kitchen utensils, toothbrushes, instant coffee, tea bags, towels, pasta, lentils, cakes and biscuits, juice.

Sweet and Sour

Now that the week’s getting on it looks like Mr Brown got last weeks’ forecast wrong – we are somewhat short of fruit and veg. I can only guess that Sunday’s Wesak guests overdid it with the clean-up. Certainly on Monday morning the fridge was sparkling and spacious, with clean decks and a fresh breeze; which, post-festival, is unusual weather, but actually just how the kitchen manager likes it when he’s taking the helm. This time though, my cooking stint was short, and with the silent week in full swing, and the heat up on the sweet-and-sour, I’m very much appreciating Chris, Kath and Jay's superior captaincy. And that’s not the only thing; there's also the newly re-jigged dishes rota on which I seem to be faring rather well. Too well I fear - I sense a washing-up squall heading my way.

Outside however, no squalls but plenty of blanket cloud and rain, together with the odd surprise: like yesterday in the garden, coming-to at the end of the walking path, and there not twenty yards away, Mr Fox and his wind-flattened ears, perusing the sheep. Then today, waking up to a new blue sky and back at the same spot finding it silently still, with the barley below frozen quiet like a green Arctic dream - nice discoveries and good grist for the silent weeks’ contemplative mill.

…Ah, thank you, that’s a kind offer, but no we’ve got plenty of corn for it. On the other hand, as mentioned, yes, we really would appreciate some:

• fruit and vegetables
• soya milk
• tahini
• tinned tomatoes
• sesame oil

Whilst some useful non-food items would be:

• small bread baskets
• wood for wood-burning stoves
• Large Letter stamps (1st or 2nd class)
• small denomination stamps (eg.2p,5p,1p)
• larger denomination stamps (eg.£1)
• plastic rake
• Ecover toilet/multi-surface/cream cleaners
• rubber marigolds (hands not garden)
• white spirit (non-numinous variety please)
• 40W/60W screw-in energy-saving light bulbs

Thank you but as well as having plenty of corn we also have plenty of kitchen utensils and towels, toothbrushes and eggs, lentils and instant coffee, juice and onions, cakes and pasta, tea bags and spices.

Silvio's treacle

Wednesdays' final saw the loyalty of our Italian friends divided between Berlusconi’s ACMilan and the Harnham Kitchen. But for the manager of the latter it was a straightforward affair: Merseyside Misery: Assuaged only by the fact that the following day was Bob Dylan’s birthday. Which, being my own as well, Jay-in-the-kitchen helped celebrate. Hailing also from Minnesota, and therefore sympathetic to my suppressed musical tastes (if not my football ones), he set his culinary heart on the task and conjured a Hurricane that would've made Delia proud.

...Whilst out the back, with ‘Tom’s Roof’ now on the hut - sorry, now on Penny's new office - I was called upon to stick the felt down with thick black treacle. Nasty stuff, which does however seem to work better there than in the bread; though either way it’s tricky to get off your hands, so many thanks to the person who brought the steel pan scourers (and the hand-cream). They keep things delicate. As they are now on the front of hill, what with the lilac fading and the hawthorn in full blossom, and my word the wind on that barley is quite a sight. Hermann reckoned it would be an early harvest with all the sun and the recent rain, and with things growing quickly into their fullness I think he might be right.

…For some reason this situation is mirrored in the larder - there’s been steady growth since April. Mr Brown would approve. Were he to visit before his forthcoming candidacy and in time for Wesak on Sunday, he might only suggest that we'd benefit from:

• green vegetables
• soya milk
• tahini

And in the stores from:

• small bread baskets
• firewood
• Large Letter stamps (1st or 2nd class)
• small denomination stamps (eg.2p,5p,1p)
• larger denomination stamps (eg.£1)
• plastic rake
• Ecover toilet and multi-surface cleaners
• rubber gloves
• white spirit
  

But that otherwise there is no shortfall and we are fortunate to be amply supported and have plenty of the following reserves: kitchen utensils, toothbrushes, instant coffee, tea bags, towels, onions, pasta, lentils, spices, oranges, eggs, fruit juice, cakes and biscuits.